Our friends, family, coworkers, neighbors, loved ones, and even complete strangers appear to have an unfortunate superpower: they can change our mood—from joyous to sad, from chipper to insecure, from smiling to upset—in an instant.
A single cavil, niggle, or snide comment can send us into a spiral of anxiety, agony, anger, and despair.
Why? Because we’ve outsourced our happiness.
Without realizing it, we cling to the admiration of others.
If they like me, I’ll be happy.
If they don’t, I’ll be unhappy.
This isn’t love—it’s relationship consumerism.
But who told us that we need their veneration? Even the people closest to us—our parents, our spouse, our child—who told us that we’d be a lesser human without their so-called respect?
No one.
That’s merely the story we tell ourself. Sadly, we’re correct. If we need someone’s acceptance, they will forever wield a rubber stamp over our internal state.
When we no longer need their validation, however, we immediately recover the power we relinquished. In turn, we reclaim our freedom.
How is this possible?
By letting go.
How do we let go of the need for approval?
We mustn’t do anything.
We must only cease our clinging.
What others think,
what they believe,
what they expect—
these are bars to a prison cell.
To break free, we must realize that those bars are lining their cage, not ours. We can walk away at any point.
Their opinions don’t matter.
Because nobody’s opinion matters.
The only thing that matters is the truth.
And the truth is that we are already complete.
Indeed, in an empty room, all alone, we are complete.
So the need for praise can only incomplete us.
Once we understand this—not in our head, but in our heart—we will be free. Ironically, in this state, we will earn more respect than ever.
We just won’t need it to be happy.
Aspiring Boffin 